Back to the Marginally Useful Material Launcher.
May 23, 1999
We in the United States of America have had quite a bad time lately, with all the Presidential scandals and other so-called crises created by the Republicans. We are also being treated to the seemingly constant news of gun violence in public schools, office buildings, commuter trains, and just about everywhere else large groups of unarmed people congregate.
Oddly enough, we have seen very few instances of such gun violence in places where a significant percentage of the assembled people are armed. Shooting ranges, police stations, hunting lodges and motorcycle gang clubhouses are remarkably free of the incidence of shooting sprees. But those are the rare exceptions. We must not allow these few anomalous situations to deter us from doing what we must to secure the safety of ourselves and our children, especially our children. Obviously, we must achieve stringent gun control.
Other organizations, like Handgun Control, Inc., have been pursuing a policy of incrementalism. They are attempting to achieve comprehensive gun control by adding the elements of gun control to existing law, one step at a time. First they sought and won a ban on certain "military"-looking guns. Then they got large capacity magazines banned. Then they targeted people with criminal records and/or a history of mental illness. Now they aim to require that guns be fitted with trigger locks and be kept locked securely in gun safes in private homes. While they are clearly on the right track, the eventual elimination of the private possession of guns, their program is working much too slowly. While they dither and debate, the children are dying. Adding trigger locks? How naive can they get? Putting a lock on a trigger won't stop this mindless gun violence any more than an ignition lock will prevent a drunk driver from starting his car and killing innocent children. Limiting magazine capacity to 10 rounds? What does that mean? Are 15 dead innocent children an unacceptable outcome, but a shooting spree that kills 10 innocent children is acceptable? And this baloney about background checks? Get serious! We've had background checks for years. The shooting sprees are becoming ever more frequent, not less so. No, none of that will do; not at all. We must restrict the possession of guns to the police and the military, now! In our modern civilized society, no one else needs guns and no one else should have them. That said, let us now agree to proceed at once with a program to eliminate guns and violence from the United States of America.
The very first thing we must do is the simplest. We must pass a Federal Law making the possession of guns unlawful for any person in the United States who is not a member of the police or military forces. Only the city police, tribal police, county sheriffs and deputies, state police and highway patrol officers, game wardens, local and state park rangers, National Park Service officers, marshals and bailiffs, active duty members of the armed forces, members of the reserve military forces, members of the National Guard, BATF and FBI personnel, IRS enforcement officers, state and local tax enforcement officers, EPA enforcement officers, and other people with an official responsibility may possess guns. We've added that final category because it's really impossible to know for certain which public agencies may need their personnel to be armed. For example, fire departments may need guns to guard their station houses and to aid in the enforcement of the fire codes, as well as to provide security for their firefighters during riots.
In order to make the above restrictions meaningful, we must enact harsh penalties for any of the above mentioned personnel who sell their guns or allow their guns to fall into the hands of unauthorized people. Furthermore, we must make unlawful the possession of guns by these personnel except during their duty hours. We can't very well allow police officers and military personnel to be walking around with guns while they are leading their private lives. Our laws must be based upon the assurance that making gun possession unlawful will make private citizens secure while they are in their homes, their occupations and their normal day-to-day lives. The use of guns will only be allowed for officials to enable them to enforce the law. To do otherwise, to allow some people to possess guns during their off-duty hours while other people may not, would cast doubt on the actual safety available to our people, newly liberated from the menace of gun violence. This would be an entirely unacceptable situation. Nothing may be allowed that might influence people to break the law by acquiring unlawful guns. If "Joe Sixpack" is safer in his home without guns, "Officer O'Malley" is surely safer in his home without guns. Privately owned guns simply must be relegated to the barbaric past.
We know that the cynical among our readers will suggest some difficulties involved in the banning of privately owned guns. We believe we have foreseen these and we have answered them.
Question- "Doesn't the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution guarantee our right to keep and bear arms?"
Answer- No, the Supreme Court has ruled that this amendment applies only to state militias. And the Supreme Court, like the Pope, is never wrong. The Supreme Court has ruled that the Second Amendment does not protect any individual rights, and that's the way it will, nay, it must, remain. However, we cannot totally ignore the possibility that the Supreme Court will, in the future, make an egregious error and misread the Second Amendment as applying to individuals. In such dire circumstances, we really would have no alternative but to repeal the Second Amendment.
Question- "During Prohibition, the government couldn't stop the importation of liquor. The government can't stop the importation of illegal drugs now. Heck, the government can't even stop the importation of human beings now. If we outlaw guns, won't people who want them just buy them from smugglers?"
Answer- We will take ever more strenuous actions to prevent the importation of guns. If necessary, we will thoroughly search every incoming ship, truck, car and airplane. If we need to, we'll do a full body search on every incoming person and every other living thing. Keeping illegal guns out of the United States will be our very highest priority and we will not fail. Furthermore, we will follow the well established practice of enforcing our laws abroad. Just as we currently eradicate illegal drug facilities in foreign countries, we will also bomb, strafe, and otherwise render harmless any gun manufacturing facilities anywhere in the world if we receive credible evidence that the products of these facilities are unlawfully entering the United States.
Question- "Making guns isn't all that complicated. Any proficient metalsmith can make a perfectly usable gun using nothing more than ordinary shop tools: a lathe, a grinder, a drill, a welder, that sort of thing. Even if we could stop gun smuggling, won't some people just make guns in their own workshops?"
Answer- We have considered that possibility. If "home made" guns become available, we'll take appropriate steps. We'll outlaw the possession of such armament manufacturing tools by anyone not possessing a Federal Armaments Tool, Commercial, Home, And Non-profit Controlled Establishment permit. We'll empower the BATF to inspect all such Federal permit holders to insure that no guns are being manufactured. If necessary, we'll empower the BATF to do searches of homes and businesses to insure that people who do not hold Federal Armaments Tool, Commercial, Home, And Non-profit Controlled Establishment permits do not possess grinders, welders, drills, lathes, acetylene torches and other such dangerous devices.
Question- "We already have about 200 million guns in the United States. What are we going to do about them?"
Answer- Obviously, we must insist that all privately owned guns be surrendered to the authorities immediately. We are confident that the good, decent, law-abiding people of this country will obey this requirement.
Question- "OK, we've eliminated all the guns. What about bombs?"
Answer- Bombs are a worry. We will, if we must, outlaw the possession of all materials used in making bombs. We will outlaw the possession of charcoal, saltpeter and sulfur so people can't manufacture gunpowder. We will outlaw the storage of fuel oil within 500 feet of ammonium nitrate. We will outlaw the private possession of copper and brass stock as well as any percussive material such as fulminate of mercury so people can't manufacture primers, caps and other such dangerous devices. We will outlaw the possession of empty glass bottles, gasoline and cotton rags so people can't make "Molotov cocktails."
Question- "What about match heads? You know, I can make a pipe bomb using nothing more than iron pipe and end caps, some match heads, and a fuse from a firecracker."
Answer- Yes, we know all that. We will, if necessary, outlaw matches and the private possession of iron pipes. Ordinary people do not need matches and iron pipes. And firecrackers are obviously out of the question for a society dedicated to peace and quiet.
Question- "OK, let's say we actually manage to get rid of all the guns and bombs. What about people who have swords and knives? Won't they use those to rob and kill their victims?"
Answer- A society that can eliminate guns can also eliminate swords. Swords will definitely be a thing of the past. And our laws controlling metalworking tools will also prevent people from making their own swords. Knives will be a little more difficult because of the persistence of the use of knives in cooking and other non-violent activities. But we can promise you that the violent use of swords, knives and other edged weapons will be eliminated in the United States, even if we must outlaw the possession of all such dangerous implements of violence. The use of knives for food preparation cannot be allowed to continue if that compromises our efforts to eliminate all violence, no matter what deadly weapons are used.
We hope we have answered all your questions and convinced you that the elimination of guns and all other deadly weapons from modern society is not only necessary, but practical as well. We must not fail. We owe it to the children.
For more information, please visit our web site at http://www.endallviolence.now
or e-mail us at landofthefree@homeofthebrave.not
Thank you.
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